who is my brother?

January 25, 2007 blog

Dealing with self-destructive people has been a theme in my life from earliest memory. Maybe you’ve experienced the same thing. Usually these people are addicts of some kind but sometimes not. They may be people who maintain control in their life by never taking anyone else’s advice or allowing a conviction they once form to brook any challenge or change, even though the ramifications in the life of the individual and those who try to relate to them is disastrous. The addicts may be easier because you can see what they’re doing pretty clearly if you’re around them enough, despite the barrage of defensive lies they tell and the numerous justifications they concoct for their actions. The other type can drive you crazy because you can’t see the substance that hijacked their brain, turning their thought processes to mush or rather to cement. The worse part is, that if exposed long enough to their rationale, your own brain can turn to mush and you’ll find yourself walking around in a constant state of confused double-mindedness. Of course they’re not trying to hurt themselves, you say, they’re fine. See them go. They work, eat, sleep, play, and create. No, you can’t get very close to them and they say and do things in those rare unguarded moments that make your skin crawl and their relationships in general are awful and unsatisfying to both parties, but gee, who’s perfect? Not me, that’s for sure. I’m just being paranoid maybe or judgmental or maybe what I’m seeing plays into my own fears – about me.

It seems to always come down to control, who has it. After years of struggle with these people, the realization slowly dawns that I sure as hell don’t, pardon my French. It’s obvious they don’t either or they wouldn’t be struggling so hard to keep a wall between themselves and the truth. What can chip through that wall? Should I be chipping at all; is it my business? That old question again, “Am I my brother’s keeper?” raises its head and echoes down through the ages from ear to ear, age to age. It is a question that deserves an answer. If anyone has one, I’d be most grateful to hear it.