Saturday, July 19, 2008

Late Bloomings

In about a month I'm going to start grad school. I'm very excited about this as it is the fulfillment of a long-time dream and I'm finally going to be officially working in the field I love which is clinical social work. Most people, and I'm no exception, get involved in the helping fields as a result of their own troubled upbringings. The desire to resolve lingering issues and re-educate oneself about life and love is a powerful motivator. Throw into the mix all those great helping skills we developed as a result of our childish attempts to survive chaos, to "fix" our caregivers who were obviously suffering deeply, and protect and care for siblings and you have a ready-made social worker, psychologist, doctor, teacher, etc. This ability to detect suffering in others is particularly well developed and can be both our greatest gift and our heaviest burden. So we spend a great deal of our adult lives seeking for that which was so glaringly absent in our childhood experiences and believing that we can find answers to eliminate or at least alleviate the awful suffering we both feel and observe and by golly, "fix" this crazy world, by hook or by crook, the grace of God or our own measure of superhuman effort.

You probably have already picked up on some of the fallacies inherent in this line of thinking. I'm aware of them too. That's why I'm involved in a support group about Boundaries and how important this is in living a realistic and controlled life, a life through which I can maybe make a difference for myself and others, but if not, I can at least be happy, healthy and wise. Boundaries are parameters we need to set, much like real estate property lines which are determined, measured, and recorded establishing an owner's rights and responsibilites. In this world of many opinions, positions of power, desires and needs, we must have these maintained borders to prevent abuse and to establish legalities. It's a good thing to know where the lines are. It makes us feel safe and confident and informs us as to the limits of our responsibilities and rights. And so it is with our personhood, internal and external, emotional, spiritual, and physical. We need to know where we end and others begin and vice versa. We have to be able to stand up for ourselves when others would push into our space in unacceptable ways, to understand what our responsibilities are in relationships and what rightfully and respectfully belongs to the other participants. Through this study I'm realizing that I have the greatest responsibility to myself, to accept and appreciate myself as a person of value, whether or not I change the world or prevent suffering, or meet the needs and desires of others to the exclusion of my own. I still want to do these things but only because they are right and good and will bring more good life into my existence. When this happens for me, it surely will for others with whom I'm involved. Love requires freedom was a statement made in the course. Freedom is an internal condition which emanates from the knowledge of self as an eternal being whose ultimate existence is outside time and its limitations. Coming from this exalted position we can see everything from a new perspective and when I'm truly clear on all that it means, I'll be a more complete person, a "better" person if you will, and someday, a great social worker.

Rambling on.
Carol